I’m feeling better today. Much more sane. That’s the thing about this stupid fucking disorder. You go to bed never knowing how you’re going to feel when you wake up in the morning.
Sometimes I don’t even know how I’m going to feel in an hour.
To clarify, by better I mean that I’m not a complete basket case. No more “foreign film in hyper speed” or however I put it. Just back to my low mood and zero energy, which has basically become my status quo.
However, I did have an appointment with my psychiatrist today. It went much better than my last appointment. I was starting to feel like I was falling through the cracks; my psychiatrist is so overbooked that I can only see him every few weeks for 15 minutes. I don’t think he’s aware of this problem. He tells me to schedule an appointment in two weeks, and when I tell the receptionist, she says he doesn’t have anything for 3-4 weeks, and can only squeeze me in for 15 minutes. During my last appointment, he told me that my illness is “too complex” for him to treat in the frequency and amount of time that I see him, and basically put the blame on me for that (or at least that’s what it felt like). I didn’t defend myself because, well, I didn’t really know what to say. So I was really anxious about going in today. But this appointment was unexpectedly 30 minutes, so we were able to work some things out, and it went really well. I’m going to add a med called Luvox to the mix and see how that works. He’s calling this Plan Q. I thought that was great. Though more accurate if we’ve gone around the alphabet twice already.
Well, that’s the latest.
Sigh.
One day, one hour, one minute at time…